3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
