Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
