One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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