i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
