entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
