took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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