they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
whose parrot is this?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
