do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
