Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
