Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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