so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
