I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You can't special order awesome
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
