i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
