How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
