last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
