i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
