I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
