overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
