i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
