Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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