he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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