Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
