there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
