So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
