I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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