It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
