No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
