i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
