He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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