I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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