i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
