I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
