I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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