I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What drink are we having for lunch?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
