I murdered the dance floor call the cops
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
