Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
