My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
