do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
