im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
