We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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