Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
