Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
