Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
