Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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