I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
