why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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