I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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