Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
