Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
