You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
