His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
